Monday, April 23, 2012
I just like to wonder and ask myself; when my time comes and I die quietly in my sleep, would anyone notice?
I mean, I wonder who exactly on this planet called earth I'm important to. I wonder who really does care about me/who I really care about.
I know some truths about myself; some uncomfortable things that I know would make the same people who tell me they love me daily run for the hills.
I'm not uncomfortable with said truths. Far from it...they are mine. I'm good with them. I just know that they (people) would be.
And you know what the funniest part is?
The same people who I know would be uncomfortable with my truths have theirs too. In a lot of cases - a lot worse than mine.
So what are we talking about? I think life would be more interesting if we could all be real for a moment. Be honest with ourselves. But that's not gonna happen. So I don't care.
What I'm talking about is this: It's the ones you say you love you hurt the most and vice versa - simply because you've let them in and put them somewhere you have not allowed anyone else be. So automatically, because you hold them there you expect them to hold you dear. But we forget that we choose who we love. WE CANNOT CHOOSE THE ONES WHO LOVE US.
Unfortunate but true.
So why am I rambling? I just believe that sometimes; or rather ALL the time truth is better. Because more often that not; people have no idea what they mean when they say all the stuff they say. And I think that's really sad.
A 'I hate you' does me more good than a confused 'I love you'...because I understand clearly what 'I hate you' means or might mean; and I also want to believe that whoever tells you they hate you know what they're saying. 'Love' on the other hand has been so abused that I'm sure even the words themselves have no idea what they mean. I mean.
Now don't get it confused; I'm fully aware that in the midst of all the lies and confusion and stuff there are some few and rare people who really and genuinely care for you; just like I genuinely care for some people - what I need you to understand is...those people won't tell you they love you all the time. In fact, they might never say it to you.
They would just allow their actions speak for them, because they know too that words are...
I'm just rambling.